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Hey I can’t see that portrait of Chairman Mao behind Costas through the smog

August 13, 2008

I hope I’m not the only one who noticed the plumes of smog hovering basically near ground level in the shot of the street behind the NBC studios, which shows up in most of the HD shots of Costas during breaks. And this is in the morning. Cleaned up my ass.

There are a few things I want to touch on this morning.

1) Bela Karolyi sounds like Borat.

2) Karolyi has every right to be pissed at China and the IOC and I am so glad NBC isn’t censoring him for bitching about the age of the Chinese female gymnasts. Every chance he gets he brings this up and he’s right. There is absolutely no way that those girls are all 16. The fact that China’s authoritarian government has “produced” passports for these girls is simply not enough. I doubt there’s a paper trail to follow to disprove these claims, though, since these athletes are more or less abducted at the age of 3 and put in elite training schools. I’m not a forensic (yet) scientist but it seems to me that in the year 2008 there ought to be a relatively simple way of using genetic testing to verify an age (or at least a range, some of those girls don’t look over 13 let alone at least 16).

Regardless, the IOC absolutely has to do something besides whatever non-action they are taking now. Who the fuck just BELIEVES whatever IDs the Chinese Olympic people provide? The gymnasts they put out there are not developed in the slightest. Some of them look like they are still growing adult teeth. It’s so obvious, and China is just flaunting it so brazenly. Kind of makes me sick. It’s not the athletes’ fault, they still deserved the Gold medal, but it’s kind of pathetic that China is so desperate to win that they’d blatantly usurp the rules, and, outside of conjecture like this, nothing is ever going to be done about it.

3) Please tell me I’m not the only one that wants to see a coed swimming relay. Let’s see Kirsty Coventry find the other 3 people in Zimbabwe that know how to swim.

This is one of the best byproducts of Google Street View I have ever seen:

‘I mean, I wouldn’t have been there in the state that I was in, but I wasn’t really thinking there would be someone driving by with a video camera on the roof filming me, either,’ Bill, 36, said from northern Australia, where he is working with a fishing company.

Regarding Bill’s quote there, the strangest part about this whole thing to me is that he seems to have consciously decided to go to sleep there. Likely the first drunk person to ever decide to pass out on the side of the street.

I also have to create an addendum to Adam’s post about cake at the office. Another one of my big pet peeves is the office pizza party. This always gets fucked up. I mean, everyone likes pizza. Almost everyone likes pepperoni pizza, or sausage pizza. As you add more toppings, it’s only natural that less and less people are going to like those combos of toppings. Invariably, you show up in the conference room excited for pizza. You’ve been looking forward to this all day and you saw the delivery guy lug 6 large pies past your cube. What would you expect the 6 pizzas to consist of? Logic seems to say 2 pepperonis, 2 just cheese, and a couple specialties (just some veggies and sausage maybe). But every fucking time, whoever is ordering phones in this brilliant array of pizzas:

1 pepperoni
1 cheese
1 of some kind of stupid ass “white pizza” with no sauce but with sliced tomatoes on it
1 of hamburger, cottage cheese, and spam pizza
2 ice cream, celery, and oatmeal pizzas

And, also invariably, there is a guy there who LOVES him some ice cream/celery/oatmeal pizza. But you see this moron sitting down to eat with a slice of CHEESE and a slice of pepperoni. And he says “oh yeah I love ice cream pizza, I’m going to have some next”. What a fucking asshole.

Following this, there is always some of the nasty pizza left over, which nobody wants to take with them. Jesus Christ. This happens so often. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this happen. And the person ordering will always make some asinine comment like “Oh! I didn’t know how popular cheese and pepperoni were going to be.”

Who doesn’t know that? Who? I want to meet this person who is so out of touch with American culture that they’re not aware that pepperoni is the de facto pizza that [most] everyone likes, and that cheese is a great option for vegetarians and non-vegetarians alike. Would you ever have a cookout and buy 1 package of hamburgers, 1 package of hot dogs, and 6 packages of fucking RAM’S COCK? It would be one thing if the person in charge got a pepp, a couple cheese, a sausage, and then some deluxe/supreme/whatever choices, but it’s always some ridiculous combination adorning 2 of the pizzas that nobody wants anything to do with.

Free pizza is a huge deal. It needs to be taken seriously.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. August 13, 2008 1:03 pm

    Bella, on the Chinese team yesterday: “I have nothing bad to say about them; It’s too bad they are underaged and should not be there at all.” So awesome. I think Bella the Sports Commentator is the true breakout star of the 2008 Olympics. He should do all sports events. Imagine how much better MNF would be if Bella was there to balance out Madden.

  2. August 13, 2008 2:05 pm

    Ah, three things:
    (1) You are entirely accurate in assuming that no one in Zimbabwe can swim. In fact, I met an African a few weeks ago who is a friend of a friend of mine from UD and he admitted that he once walked out onto a sandbar in the ocean and got stuck there at high tide. The lifeguard swam out to save him and, frustrated, accused him of faking his inability to swim. The lifeguard said, “There is no possible way that you could have made it out this far without being able to swim.” My friend’s friend said, “Well, I can’t.”;
    (2) I laughed out loud when I saw the picture from Google Street View. All I have to say is that there’s no way they didn’t know what they were doing when they posted it; and
    (3) ❤ ram’s cock.

  3. andy permalink*
    August 13, 2008 2:54 pm

    You know whoever has the job of driving the Google Street View van or doing the filming has a boring job 99% of the time, but creating work like that 1% of the time has to make it worthwhile.

  4. Bolden permalink
    August 13, 2008 11:49 pm

    As for the age of the gymnasts, the PRC was foiled by a Google cache and an epic Wikipedia edit war:

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