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This guy uses the power of “heart”

January 24, 2008

Every now and then I come across some hilarious advertisement in the Express (cliff’s notes version of the Post they hand out at the metro in the mornings). Usually it’s just something in the classifieds about saving guinea pigs or something equally odd. Today they featured a half-page spread by this guy protesting the Discovery Channel. Yes, that’s right. I’m not sure which is worse…the fact that he thinks a CABLE TV STATION owes it to the world to protect the environment or that the entire advertisement seems to be written by a 10 year old. The picture he posted also looks like something from “To Catch a Predator”.

Discovery Channel has absolutely no duty to protect the environment. None. They operate for profit just like every TV station outside of PBS does. This is not some Greenpeace-run television station. A vast majority of their programming has nothing to do with preservation efforts nor are any of said programs really intended to do anything other than attract viewership. Might as well get mad at MTV for not doing its part to broadcast real down home preservation shows.

The best part of this whole thing is the following:

If their ‘environmental’ shows are actually working, then why is the news about the environment getting worse? It should be getting better if they were doing their job and we should be seeing that reflected on the nightly news.

Wait for it…just wait…

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHHAAHAHA. Well, I don’t really know where to begin with that. “If they were doing their job”. Oh this is rich. Wow this guy is totally clueless as to the real purpose of TV networks. It’s really hard to fathom someone being so, so oblivious. And the part about the news…oh Jesus. I must have missed this nightly news report:

Anchor 1: Millions of animals, plants, and people are feeling the effects of an oil tanker that overturned and spilled 50 kazillion gallons of oil into the Atlantic yesterday.
Anchor 2: That’s right Anchor 1. And to make matters worse, a civilian watchdog group ship named “The Discovery Channel Environment Protection Boat” did absolutely nothing to push the iceberg out of the way that sank the tanker.
Anchor 1: Are you trying to tell me The Discovery Channel did fuckall to help the environment?
Anchor 2: I am. The end of the world is upon us, The Discovery Channel is intentionally keeping us devoid of quality preservationist TV programming. We’re done for. It’s Armageddon. Ragnarok. It’s all over. We are totally fucked.
Anchor 1: Might as well change their name to “The Stalin/Hitler/Milosevic Channel”. What a bunch of assholes.

Well I hate to tell you Lee, if a TV network is in charge of protecting the environment we are probably all screwed anyway. I can’t imagine what it cost him to take out this half page ad. He could have donated it to an actual environmental group but instead spent it on a gigantic “I’m a moron” advertisement. Great job.

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