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The world at a glance

December 18, 2007

Ok, ok…”interesting news headlines” at a glance.

The American government would like to hold your hand. It’s a sad reflection on our society that the freedom to be stupid and ignorant does not necessarily meet with equivalent consequences any longer. I’m sure that $20 billion could be used elsewhere, for something better than helping all the morons who took interest-only loan repayments. Hint: unless you’re obscenely rich this is a fantastically stupid fucking thing to do.

Unintentional comedy shows up as usual:

US Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said on Monday that there was no “silver bullet” to solve the credit market problems.

O RLY? The credit market problem is not a werewolf? Stunning revelation. However, I think there is a silver bullet, thought it requires banana peels and a Delorean. Maybe if banks didn’t loan $300,000 to people I wouldn’t loan a pen this wouldn’t be a big deal. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20.

F1 (this is a racing league that most Americans hate because it has foreigners) star Lewis Hamilton got his driving license revoked in France. He was only going 122mph on the highway, no biggie. This made me realize I need to move to Europe:

The speed limit on French motorways is 130km/h (85mph).

85 miles an hour. Freaking sweet. I mean I’m kind of partial to 55mph log jams in the D.C. area, and I’m not sure my car could even sustain 85mph for more than 5 minutes in a row, but still, sweet. I think Lewis Hamilton has seen a few too many Luc Besson movies. It’s hard to believe that the original “Taxi” trilogy eventually birthed this abortion of a remake. Robert Ben Garant what the hell were you thinking?

If you live in New Jersey, 2 things: 1) Sorry 2) Lock your doors. Who is running this jail? Don’t you think that the routine checking of prisoner quarters (which I can only assume happens) would have uncovered their scheme? Unreal. The best part is the note they left:

“Thank you officer ——– for the tools needed, you’re a real pal, Happy Holidays,” the note read, with a smiley face drawn next to it.

The smiley face is a great touch.

“I think this is a very serious situation you saw,” he said. “I really prefer not to compare with any movie, although I can understand why you might, because it does look certainly very similar to some of them. Except in ‘The Shawshank Redemption,’ they had a better poster on the wall.”

According to police, Blunt tried to escape in September using similar methods. There is an $8,000 reward for the men’s capture.

 

Great quote from the state prosecutor there. Also good to know that this guy tried the same lame duck method a few months ago and was caught and yet wasn’t on any sort of increased watch. Some prison guards actually make a ton of money by working overtime and whatnot. Clearly, money well spent.

Also, the world is going to end. Eventually. Hopefully we go out in style like this, with a number of other galaxies gangbanging us into the abyss with jets of radiation.

Tyson said there are two main lessons to be learned from what the telescopes have found:

“This is a reminder that you are not alone in the universe. You are not isolated. You are not an island.”

And “avoid black holes when you can.”

I think I’m going to get “avoid black holes whenever you can” tattooed backwards on my chest so that whenever I look in a mirror I am reminded to steer clear.

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