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Rowdy Roddy White…Piper…

December 11, 2007

Worst attempt at a pun title yet. I’m not sure where I was going with that, but I am sure that Roddy Piper’s movie “They Live” is awesome.

Roddy Piper, sporting the flannel shirt and hiking boots look (later adopted by lesbians), gets in a fight with the legendary Keith David and they punch the christ out of each other for a good 4+ minutes. Just awesome.

Okay with that out of the way: Roddy White is an idiot. Who is Roddy White? He’s a receiver for the Atlanta Falcons, mostly known for not living up to expectations (I believe this is the Falcon’s #1 criteria when trying to draft someone) and dropping passes.

Why is he relevant? He is relevant because ESPN hates us. They hate us and decided to put the Atlanta Falcons on Monday Night Football. This appearance on MNF also happened to coincide with Michael Vick’s 23 month jail sentence. The timing couldn’t have been better for ESPN. It pretty much gives them cart blanche to cover anything but actual sporting events and sports highlights, which they fucking LOVE to do.

This past Monday, Roddy White scored a touchdown, despite his ominous run of actually catching important passes which would lead me to believe he was on course for a timely drop. In celebration he lifted his jersey to show off his custom made undershirt. On it were these words:

Free Mike Vick

Unnecessary use of blockquotes aside, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It’s one thing to support your [former] team mate, friend, and likely dog fighting liaison…when the media asks your opinion, you issue a statement through your publicist, or during a conjugal visit.

Instead this is just another case of young black male athletes doing everything they can to stand out. And by stand out I mean look like an ignorant clown. You know that phrase “this just set ____ back 20 years”? This sort of self-destructive (or co-destructive) crap that these guys keep repeating reminds me of that scene from “The Breakfast Club” where Bender keeps saying stupid things and the principal just piles on the Saturday detentions. This whole “I don’t give a fuck” attitude is getting really tired.

It’d be one thing if Vick’s case was controversial. Maybe if the evidence was sketchy. Maybe if there weren’t DEAD DOGS BURIED IN HIS BACK YARD, 2 dudes telling the feds he did it, etc. I mean, Vick went to jail early because he knew that he was going down. There is no need to “free” him. He was guilty as sin. He committed a felony, this isn’t some gross injustice where the man is just sticking it to him and making an example of a popular pro athlete. Most of the team that speaks up says they feel sorry for Vick, miss him on the field, etc., which is all fine. White just makes himself look like a total jackass with this garbage.

Vick is in jail where he deserves to be. He’ll be a hell of a pickup when the prisoner’s football team plays the guards.

Besides this whole undershirt deal was way funnier when D.C. United’s midfielder Fred was fouled and started lifting up his shirt to point to a “Jesus Loves You” cutoff under his jersey.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Ashley permalink
    December 11, 2007 4:57 pm

    Richard Vernon: That’s the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I’m not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you’re outta here and you’ve forgotten all about this place and they’ve forgotten all about you, and you’re wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I’m gonna be there. That’s right. And I’m gonna kick the living shit out of you. I’m gonna knock your dick in the dirt.
    Bender: You threatening me?
    Richard Vernon: What are you gonna do about it? You think anyone’s gonna believe you? You think anyone is gonna take your word over mine? I’m a man of respect around here. They love me around here. I’m a swell guy. You’re a lying sack of shit and everybody knows it. Oh, you’re a tough guy. Hey c’mon. Get on your feet pal. Let’s find out how tough you are. I wanna know right now how tough you are.
    Richard Vernon: Just take the first shot. I’m begging you, take a shot. Just one hit. Come on, that’s all I need, just one swing…
    Richard Vernon: That’s what I thought. You’re a gutless turd.

    +10 points for referring to the best movie ever.

    Yesterday, Vick was the talk of the bus. I of course did not participate in the conversation but listened on. (Mind you, I am the only white person on the bus). They were all very upset that Vick was going to jail. They did not refute the fact that what he did was wrong nor refute that he was guilty of these crimes, but the did strongly oppose the sentencing. Instead they felt that probation and community service would have been much more appropriate for his crime. They feel that this young black man has so much potential and promise and now with this sentence, his career has been ripped away from him leaving him with practically nothing. Rather, he should do some community service and a light probation and be able to continue his professional football career. The best part was a man who wrapped up the discussion with, “Once again the white man doing all he can to tear the future away from the black youth.” This was of course followed with a choir of “amen” and “I hear that”.

    O RLY? It’s always everyone elses fault… god forbid any personal accountability for ones own actions. That would be just plain ridiculous.

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