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Hugo Chavez loses election but retains evil plans and psychosis

December 3, 2007

Adam is still MIA as far as we know. I think this is due to some new change at his office which has eliminated the internet. A crucial gaffe to be certain. Or maybe he’s still lost in Tyson’s Corner. Or maybe someone from Craigslist kidnapped him. It’s anyone’s guess.In a related story, Hugo Chavez lost his bid for reelection in Venezuela. Disappointingly this article only features 1 picture forcing me to slog through a sea of words and letters to make some sense of all this.

Anyway, yes, he lost in an election that I can’t help but think he probably rigged. He is the New York Knicks of of crazy dictators. I guess Tim Donaghy doesn’t work elections.

President Hugo Chávez suffered a stinging defeat today in a vote on constitutional changes that would have let him run for re-election indefinitely and solidify his bid to transform this major U.S. oil provider into a socialist state.

O RLY. A socialist state poorly managed by a near psychotic dictator. Who wouldn’t want that? I mean Vietnam still yearns for Pol Pot, right?

Opposition supporters shouted with joy as Lucena announced the results on national television early today, their first victory against Chávez after nine years of electoral defeats. Some broke down in tears. Others began chanting: “And now he’s going away!”

Ah, yes. It’s refreshing to see some hysterical mobs chanting about something other than killing that lady who let her students name a stuffed bear Mohammed. Also, Venezuela has television?

“From this moment on, let’s be calm,” he declared. “There is no dictatorship here.”

What? This had to be right before he mumbled “because I lost” under his breath.

By far my favorite part about Chavez is his unbridled arrogance, which usually leads to him acting like a lunatic and then becoming even more enraged when someone calls him on it. Like when the king of Spain told him to shut up in the middle of an international conference.

The changes would have created new forms of communal property, let Chávez handpick local leaders under a redrawn political map, permit civil liberties to be suspended under extended states of emergency and allow Chávez to seek re-election indefinitely.

Other changes would have shortened the workday from eight hours to six, created a social-security fund for informal laborers and promoted communal councils where residents decide how to spend government funds.

The changes also would have granted Chávez control over the Central Bank and extended presidential terms from six to seven years.

Seriously? This was his platform, one that he thought would go over well with the general public? “Hey guys, I’m taking over the bank, rigging local political situations, slipping in this bit about extended states of emergency, ruining our reputation with the U.S. and Europe, and making it so I can be president forever………BUT YA’LL ONLY GOTTA WORK 6 HOURS A DAY!” Sadly almost half of Venezuela bought into this nonsense.

As corrupt or absurd as American politics can seem at times, I find at least some relief in the fact that no candidate here could get away with such a blatant attempt to pull the wool over our eyes. At least our politicians attempt to pull the wool over our eyes with some faith-based drivel or 9/11 stories. Or talk about doing drugs in front of kids.

kerry does his best mario manningham impression

Although we did seriously consider making this guy our president.

One Comment leave one →
  1. December 3, 2007 7:28 pm

    Yes thank God we elected this guy

    instead of the guy who can’t catch a football.

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