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Sudanly Susan

November 26, 2007

If only this woman’s name were Susan. It’s actually Gillian, and she left England to go teach in the middle east. It doesn’t say why she made this decision, I can only assume that someone held a power drill with a 1″ wood boring attachment to her temple and asked politely. That’s about the only thing that would make me become a teacher…um, I mean, move to the middle east.

She’s now being charged with “blasphemy” (what is this, 1150 AD Israel?) by none other than the Sudanese “Ministry of Education”. They actually still call their government factions “ministries”, very Stalinist of them. Anyway, she’s charged with blasphemy because she told her students to name a stuffed bear and they chose “Mohammed”.

That could be seen as an insult to the Prophet Mohammed, the reports said.

Blasphemy is punishable with 40 lashes under Islamic Sharia law, Britain’s Press Association news agency reported.

Oh boy more lashings. Doesn’t anyone in the middle east own a taser? I’m pretty sure this is how the Jews were punished if they quit hauling stones around for the Egyptians. I’m hesitant to refer to this as “old school” because that term carries some connotation of endearment, and this is just retardedly archaic corporal punishment.

I fail to see how the prophet Mohammed would really be insulted by children referring to a stuffed animal by his name. How many people are named Mohammed? A fucking lot. How many of them are crooks, junkies, alcoholics, murderers, etc.? Should we lash mothers every time they name a child Mohammed and he grows to be a royal fuckup in his adult years? Because I’m pretty sure the prophet would be a hell of a lot more pissed off about people ruining his good name doing that.

“We are very worried about her safety,” he added. “This was a completely innocent mistake. Miss Gibbons would have never wanted to insult Islam.”

As for that, I don’t share the same reservations. With that said: dirka dirka Mohammed Jihad, chill the fuck out you crazy Sudanese Muslims. IT’S A STUFFED ANIMAL. If people freak out about things as harmless as this I can’t fathom how they could physically or mentally deal with real crises.

Fundy Muslim 1: “Oh shit a wild donkey cart just tore through a market and killed 14 people”
Fundy Muslim 2: “Crap and we just got through dealing with that TEDDY BEAR fiasco.”
Fundy Muslim 1: “I’m freaking the fuck out man, I’m depressed, do you have any Cymbalta?”
Fundy Muslim 2: “No sorry let’s just kill ourselves.”

Sudan, you gotta save some energy for the real crises folks. This is not a big deal. And you really need to quit referring to government bodies as “ministries”. It’s got a really fascist ring to it. Although I suppose it goes hand in hand when you’ve still got “blasphemy” on the books.

You can’t name a stuffed animal after your favorite prophet in Sudan and you can’t wear a fake mustache in church in Alabama. This is not a world I want to live in.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Ashley permalink
    November 27, 2007 9:12 am

    Without a doubt, your funniest post yet.

  2. November 27, 2007 10:08 am

    Should we take bets on which one of us gets killed first?

  3. November 29, 2007 3:13 pm

    Even though they just found her guilty in Sudan, it seems she is “only” getting 2 weeks in jail. No corporal punishment as of yet, but it has to be clear to anyone watching this case that lashes would be richly deserved.

    By “anyone” of course, I mean crazy people.

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